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What marriage means to you

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That has been my experience with an overwhelming number of people -- certainly NOT ALL. Is it really that important to never have to give anything up? If you can look your love in the eye, and know that you would not bat that eye, no matter what document, past relationship, or current was brought up between you, then perhaps marriage is the logical next step.

XandersMom0503 To me, I've always seen not getting married as an easy out should you want the relationship to end. When the psychologists give workshops for couples, they encourage them to discuss a source of disagreement. Marriage for me is about creating our own family, the two of us together and then anyone else who may come along in the future.



Back in our parents' and grandparents' day, the world, and our descriptions of it were pretty much, this or that. People were male or female, single or married, working or looking. Things have gotten a lot more complicated, and our vocabularies, have had to keep up. I read an article last week about people in the process of transgendering wanting their own pronouns. Him and his, her and hers, were not descriptive of who they are, or is it, were. And naturally, they felt dissed -- which isn't good. For every trend, however, there is a counter-trend. In this case the counter-trend is toward the loss of specific meaning. Vocabularies are being simplified and distinctions being lost. At the extreme, thousands of years of language development are being erased as language is reduced to glyphs displayed on smartphones rather than cave walls. Change is inevitable, but in the process, important and valuable information can be lost. These words have particular importance to me as a collaborative divorce lawyer, who contradictorily, is devoted to providing support for couples who want their partnerships to be more successful, durable and satisfying. Over time the favored characteristics of each strain are shared with the other, and unfavored characteristics masked or lost. The result being a blend which has the best characteristics of each original strain. That isn't something that happens quickly with tobacco, so you can imagine how long it takes with people. It certainly doesn't happen in the time it takes to exchange vows. This difference isn't trivial. How we think and how we act are shaped by the meaning attached to the words we use. At some level, the couple leaving the ceremony believing they are now married, believes the work is done, or mostly done. It takes many years, and a great deal of hard work to accomplish. There is no switch that gets flicked and now we're married. It is incremental and zig-zag, developing over time in an environment of sustained commitment, persistent love despite challenges , patience, understanding, and effort. However, all of this work is not without a reward. The journey itself has many associated rewards. There are the delights, frustrations, and elations that come from guiding and abetting the development of children into adults. There is the attachment of two individuals at a profound level of intimacy. There are the events and moments experienced and shared along the way. And ultimately, there is a zen tranquility and shared bliss that exists outside and above the pains and pressures of change and even tragedy. Wonderfully, this long-term phenomenon is not just the province and reward of wedded couples, but has the potential to be the product of every partnership. If we accept from the beginning that marriage is a long-term process and journey available to committed partners, our expectations, our standards of achievement, and our prospects for success will all be changed in the direction of more successful, durable and satisfying partnerships. And that, from my divorce perspective, is a very good thing.

Chris and I disagree so often, but at the end of the day, I know he's always on my side. If your SO si to take a job that paid slightly less to give him less stress at work but you wanted him to stay with the job that pays more, what would happen. It was really important to my team and I, that our Lovettes were able to express a personal understanding of sin and what it means to them. The behaviors I might engage in to win this conflict are different from those that what marriage means to you best for the relationship. Marriage means a lot to me, first, it's a lifelong commitment before God to each other. People marry for all kinds of reasons. This is usually where an experienced family lawyer will ensure a fair arrangement is agreed in a constructive and amicable way. This is how I feel too.

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released December 14, 2018

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roobabecno New Haven, Connecticut

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